Pre Preschool

After weeks of contemplating, I decided to enroll Ryan in a pre preschool class. The class is held at the same studio where he took music class for a year and a half. The class is two hours, two days a week. Sanjay and I went back and forth as to why this would be good for Ryan and why possibly it would not. I liked the idea of him being in a class type setting without me, but with other kids. However, as a stay-at-home mom I felt like I was being selfish wanting the two hours for myself.

Ryan started on a Monday so we spent the days prior preparing him. We talked about his favorite tv show character, Caillou, and how he goes to school and Ryan would be going to school just like him. Another perk of this preschool program is that one of the teachers babysits for Ryan, so I thought he would feel comforted by the fact that she was there and it was a familiar location.

On the way to school Monday morning my stomach was in knots. I thought for sure I was going to lose it and cry. We were early and sat in the lobby for a few minutes before the teacher arrived. I felt extremely nervous and Ryan had no idea what was about to happen. When the teacher arrived, they let me walk him around the room and show him what they were going to do that day. Finally it was time to say goodbye. I hugged and kissed him and told him I would be back for him. He immediately started crying and calling for me. Thankfully, they shut the doors so he could no longer see me. I waited in the lobby and after five minutes he was still crying. The teacher came out and asked me if I wanted Ryan to see me. I told her no figuring he would never leave me at that point. I went to the parking lot and waited in my car wondering if I should leave or not. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, but was really only 15 minutes, the teacher came out and told me he was fine. Then she said, "He keeps saying something like Mommy hates you?" I almost started to cry as I told her, "No, he is saying Mommy hold you," I felt awful at that point, but she said to leave and that he was in good hands.

I kept myself busy for the little time I had left before returning to pick Ryan up. Of course I arrived early to pick him up. I was so anxious to see my little guy. When the doors opened and he came out, he gave me a big smile followed by a hug and kiss. He had made a drum in class that day and the teacher said he wanted to hold onto the drum throughout the entire class. One thing I noticed that day and have noticed every day he goes back to school is that when he is playing by himself, I can hear him talking about school. He says the same thing each time. He says, Mommy hold you, Mommy come back." It makes me feel sad, but I like to think he is reminding himself that I will come back for him and I will hold him when I come back to get him. I think this class is a good thing for him and for me. The separation is hard, but something we both must get used to, and ultimately I think he has a good time. He still cries each time I drop him off, but it is becoming less and less. I know the day will come when he runs into class without saying goodbye, so I do like the fact that he needs that last hug and kiss, because really I do too.