A Year Ago Today

A year ago today, I was 39 weeks pregnant. I went to my weekly doctor's appointment. In the two weeks prior to this appointment I was 1 centimeter, then 2 centimeters dilated, respectively. I was sure my doctor would tell me, "This is it, get ready your baby is coming." But that is not what she said. Instead she told me I was 3 centimeters dilated. I was a bit disappointed because I was ready. She then asked me how I felt about being induced. I was happy and nervous all at the same time. I was at the appointment alone, so it was up to me to decide what I wanted. I told her that I thought it was a great idea, that I was ready. I liked the idea of knowing if I was induced I would know when to go to the hospital. I was so nervous about going into labor while Ryan was at school. What if Sanjay couldn't make it home in time? Where do I take Ryan? Who would pick him up from school? Would he be scared? With the induction, I was able to have a plan. My in laws would come to spend the night with Ryan, my mom would come to the hospital with Sanjay and me, my sister would come relieve my in laws so they could come to the hospital. After the baby was born my sister would bring Ryan to meet the baby. It was a great plan.

My mom came over that afternoon. My in laws came over shortly after. My bags were packed. I had to call the hospital at 10:00 p.m. to make sure there was room for me. We let Ryan stay up late that night. I had Sanjay take pictures of Ryan and me with my very big belly. I remember feeling overwhelmed with emotions; happy that it was finally time, nervous about the labor and delivery, a bit sad about how Ryan would react to not being an only child anymore. I said goodnight to him and tucked him in bed. I reassured him that he would see me in the morning and he would be able to meet his new brother or sister. I think he was more excited about his cousins coming to play with him the next day.

We headed off to the hospital; my mom, Sanjay and me. I was finally able to not worry about Ryan, knowing that there were bigger things to worry about. We, of course, arrived about 10 minutes too early and had to wait in the waiting room for 10 minutes. That was a short 10 minutes. At midnight they admitted me and set me up in a room. I, then had to change from my comfy sweats to the hideous birthing gown. The nurse came to put in my IV, the worst part by far. She put the IV in my arm and it hurt really badly. She had missed the vein and put it in a valve. Of course, they had to try again. I can't remember if this happened 2 or 3 times, but 2 nurses later I was on the brink of tears and they finally had it in. Of course I was trying to keep a brave face because I knew this was nothing compared to the pain I was about to experience.

The nurse started pitocin at 1:00 a.m. From then on, we just waited. My mom and Sanjay were able to get a little rest. I just felt nervous. It is hard to rest being hooked up to IVs and a fetal monitor. The nurse came to check on me several times throughout the night. She kept asking about my contractions. I could see them on the screen, but could not feel them. I had not had an epidural yet. It just felt like the baby was moving in stomach, but I never felt the pain of contractions.

At about 6:00a.m., my doctor called to check on me. The nurse told her I was having contractions, but was feeling nothing. I was progressing slowly, but just not in any pain, thank God! The doctor decided that the midwife on duty would come break my water to get things moving. As the midwife prepared, my water broke on it's own. At that point my doctor advised me (over the phone) that I might want to get an epidural and that she would be at the hospital soon to check on me. I got the epidural and my doctor arrived about an hour or so later. I kept telling her that I could feel the baby moving, but I was never in any pain, even prior to the epidural. I was not quite progressing, so she had me lay on my other side and said she would be back in a few hours to check on me. About 15 minutes later, I felt like it was time. I told Sanjay or my mom, (I can't remember which one) that I felt pressure. I remember them both looking at me like,'Really, now?' The nurse came back in checked me and agreed, it was time. My poor doctor probably made it out to the parking lot and had to come right back up. She came back in smiling. This was how it happened for me the first time around with Ryan. As soon as she left, he was ready to come. I will spare you the details, but she was out in 3 pushes. I remember the doctor saying,"Here's the head," my mom said,"Oh, it's a boy," then Regan was born and she said,"No, it's a girl!" I, and I think my mom and Sanjay, were in utter disbelief. I think we were all thinking it was going to be another boy.

And, now, 364 days later I cannot believe we are on the eve of Regan's first birthday. It went by so fast! Regan has been the best eater, the best sleeper, really good natured and just a sweet baby. She has fit perfectly into our family. Tomorrow we will celebrate her, and I know that everyone is always so happy to celebrate birthdays. I am happy too, but for some reason there is always a part of me that feels so emotional on my kids' birthdays. I think it is the miracle of it all, pregnancy, becoming a mom, feeling so much love for another human being that it is indescribable. Happy First Birthday to my dear sweet Regan! I am so happy that I am your Mommy, and I have the privilege of watching you grow up. I love you so very much!