Stopping To Smell the Roses

As a stay-at-home mom, I feel very blessed to spend so much time with my kids. I quickly realized that, yes, I am present everyday all day, but am I really? I find myself busy with groceries, cleaning, errands, volunteering at Ryan's school, working out (so I don't go crazy), but how much time am I really spending with them? Last Saturday Sanjay went golfing for the day, so it felt like a weekday/workday to me. I kept thinking what am I going to do with the kids all day? How am I going to tire them out so they will nap? Where should we go? Come Saturday morning I thought, 'What the heck, we are not going anywhere.' 5 days a week we are rushing around to get out of the house, so why today? Why not have a lazy day and let the kids play and wear pajamas all day. I gave Ryan some tv time and went and sat with Regan in her room. While in there I learned some things about her in a few short minutes. Some things I already knew; that she loves books, that she loves being in her room, she loves to get her blanket out of her crib, she loves to sing her favorite songs from music class and some things I did not know; that she grabs the books and makes the sound of the animals in the books, that she can count to five with sounds and not actual numbers, (she tries to imitate what I sound like when I read counting books to her, but she doesn't know her numbers yet so it just comes out with sounds) that she knows the letter A, although I don't know how she knows it, and that she likes to just sit on my lap, and she will clean up her toys. I started to feel really guilty that our weekdays are so busy that we just don't take the time to just hang out and play. I really make an effort to spend alone time with Ryan whether it is reading, playing games or just talking because I feel like he remembers what it was like before Regan and how much time he used to have with our undivided attention. I guess I thought Regan loves being with Ryan and with other kids so we just go, go, go when Ryan is in school so she can be with other kids. What I failed to realize is that sometimes she likes to just be alone with me. When she is alone with me she cuddles more, she will sit on my lap and want to read a book, she loves to laugh and likes to be tickled. I realize that both kids need me, not just in the, they need me to provide them with their basic needs way, but they really need me to carve out some time in my busy days to spend time with each of them individually. I almost feel horrible even saying that I don't have that much time with them separately, but that is the reality when you have more than one child. I can definitely say in spending more time with each of them alone, they seem happier, but I think I am the one who is really happy!